let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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