She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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