It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
My ass is underappreciated
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
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