New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
