dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
