That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
