dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
