He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
