would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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