he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
