Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
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