OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
