I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
