How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
