i already hear my dad disowning me
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
why do cheetos always look like penises
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
