I accidentally burped into my bong.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
