Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
