I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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