WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
