he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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