You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
