she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
she smelled like a LAN party
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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