That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
