Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
