I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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