I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
