therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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