Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I fill condoms, not promises.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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