My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Randomize
