The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
