two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
