i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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