Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Randomize
