WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
