There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Randomize
