We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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