dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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