SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
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