I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
he fucked my hip out of place.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Alive.
So much puke
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Randomize
