I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
