i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
She bit a glass in half.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
