part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
