You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
