see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
