it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
