It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
