Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
