I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
