Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
