I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
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