3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Randomize
