Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Randomize
